You can't stop me now

My numbers are going down but my anxiety levels are too high to check often. I used to weigh myself every day but now the fear or gaining sets me back, seems like the second time round a lot of things have changed.

105 pounds now and by the end of this week I want to be 100 pounds.


My favourite quote:
"You either measure in presence or absence and I measure in the latter"

Xoxo

110

triple digits, want to smash my head against a brick wall..so pathetic but it is 5 pounds less than a month ago.

In all sorts

Come on skinny love what happened here?

Why do we do this.

I hate everyone.

Old habits die hard

I've lost my appetite to eat, it doesn't feel worth it...the emptiness is satisfying enough.

Hospitalised

Hospitalised..get me out of here.

“I began to measure things in absence instead of presence.”

Feeling like a piece of shit right now.. I have all this anxiety and it's now that I can understand why people would cut..because maybe it would relieve the stress, one pain suffered to take away another.


“Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school,athletics,artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school,drop out,quit jobs,leave lovers,move,lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather,we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule,most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place.” 

No moon and no sun

I've been doing okay, I lost 1.5 kg but then went to a wedding and ruined myself again..too scared to weigh myself so I am just going to wait a few days and see if I can get back to normal.

Mum is getting suspicious again, and quite a few people have said that I need to gain weight. They are all wrong and if they think for one second that I believe there lies, I don't...I know what game they are playing and it won't work.

Thinspo:

Just looked through all my posts from the beginning..what have I done to myself from 55kg-40kg-52kg now, I'm a mess.

I still have my disordered eating habits just now I have lost a bit of control..I go back and forth between fasting and binging.

I think I'm back though for about the millionth time, I need this, really bad.

So here it is 52 kg, lonely and need to confide in Ana once again.

Thinspo for tonight....







Nikki
xoxo

Past two days:

Intake: 19th August

Skim Cappuccino- 90 calories
Rice noodles with chicken and vegetables- 350 Calories
Greek Salad-150 calories
No fat or sugar strawberry icecream- 90 calories
2 rice cakes- 70 calories

Total= 750 calories

Exercise=
 180 minutes of walking
 60 leg lifts
 40 star jumps
 40 crunches
 40 butt crunches

Intake 20th August

Skim Cappuccino - 90 calories
Hokkien noodles with chicken and vegetables- 450 calories
3 rice cakes- 100 calories
1 tbs laughing cow cheese- 40 calories
3 small chocolate biscuits= 120 calories
4 gummi bears- 30 calories

Total= 830 calories

Exercise=
 120 minutes of walking
 30 leg lifts
 40 star jumps
 50 leg lifts
 30 butt crunches

So shit.