Can you answer this?

Why is it that when I go to the Gym I put on weight instead of losing it. Fuck my life. I am so over this stupid shit.

Day 1

Day one of sugar-free has been OK.

I am craving it but have resisted. I am starving though today I have eaten.

Med skim cap- 80

Apple-70

Roast vegetables-150

Oats-70

Mandarin-50

Steamed vegetables-180

Total= 600 calories - 150 (exercise) 

= 450 not too bad.

Xo xo nikki

Sugar-free

I have recently been following the 'no-sugar movement' first I was against it, thinking how ridiculous to cut out sugar...even fruit! But today I'm here declaring my trial: 30 days sugar-free. 

I will still be eating SOME fruit but limiting to 5 pieces per week. 

And I will upload on here if I have any weight loss, mood changes etc.

Today I am 48.7 kg

Xo xo 

 

No moon and no sun 

Failed

The packet said 6, I took 8+8 others resulting in a heart that felt it was being stomped on and a stomach in knots.

In hospital, talking to someone from the mental health team, she says to me "I think you should see someone from the RPA they have an eating disorder team their...I will just have to check if you meet their requirements." Yes I am too fat too be admitted.

Back to counting calories.


Nikki xoxo

You can't stop me now

My numbers are going down but my anxiety levels are too high to check often. I used to weigh myself every day but now the fear or gaining sets me back, seems like the second time round a lot of things have changed.

105 pounds now and by the end of this week I want to be 100 pounds.


My favourite quote:
"You either measure in presence or absence and I measure in the latter"

Xoxo

110

triple digits, want to smash my head against a brick wall..so pathetic but it is 5 pounds less than a month ago.

In all sorts

Come on skinny love what happened here?

Why do we do this.

I hate everyone.

Old habits die hard

I've lost my appetite to eat, it doesn't feel worth it...the emptiness is satisfying enough.

Hospitalised

Hospitalised..get me out of here.