Hiatus

I'm taking a week off from blogger.
Not because I've had an epiphany and want to recover.
In this week Im going to sort my life out.

I will:

Clean my room
Catch up with my Uni work
Finish my exercise plan
Write out my eating plan for the next two weeks

Doesn't look so hard does it?


Nikki

bad bad place

I'm in a bad place right now.

I feel like I can't do anything anymore because I feel so anxious.
I was clothes shopping with my mum today and I got so worried about trying things on it was pathetic like I freaked out because I know how fat I am. I broke down in the change rooms and said to my mum i was so fat. I fucked up now she is going to be on my case she will watch me and my eating habits like a hawk.

I'm sorry to those I have not replied to..atm I just need my solidarity.

Love you girls

Nikki xoxo

Suprised?

Finally gained the courage to step on the scale...and after a week of bad bad BAD eating I didn't gain.

But i'm still overweight. 40 kg pleaseee I got there before and I'm going to do it again.

I want to look like this...her stomach O M G

Ciao for now,

Nikki xx

Mary-Kate Olsen

She is someone I look up to, she is so humble, beautiful,peaceful and she is thin.
LOVEEE

SHE IS SO GORGEOUS!

My dad said I am looking sick, I quote him "why do you want to be thin if you look sick?"
Because when I am thin enough I will be perfect and beautiful and maybe then I will feel like I'm worth something instead of feeling like a piece of shit 24/7.

I'm focused.
Love
Nikki xoxo

Fat pig

I am a complete failure.
I need to lose this weight, the rolls on my stomach, the jiggle of my thighs. It's disgusting, I am ashamed.

I will do it and when I do I will post a picture just like last time except this time I'm going to go further.

Nikki xoxo

Can't exercise..

I tore the tendon in my foot...can't exercise for 6 weeks.
KILL ME. I'm going to get fatter and fatter

Woo hoo, put on  my jeans today and they just slipped on. I can feel the bagginess, god I missed that feeling. It's the best feeling when your jeans are baggy..sad to some but joy to me.

:) Soon they will be falling off me.

I just can't wait to be my lowest weight again.

I hope everyone is doing well!

Nikki 
xoxo

self-hatred

n

a feeling of intense dislike for oneself