I just can't get the fat off me, it's hanging there, drooping there.
I'm so sorry.

I wish I could be as I was before.
I wish I could be as inspirational as I was having lost 13 kg.
I wish I could be 43 kg again.


My knuckles look like they are bleeding constantly, my throat raw, my eyes bloodshot, my skin dry.

From an outsiders view, they would think we are crazy...I know why but it doesn't stop me...or us.
We wish for something to save us, something to save us from the backstabbing friends, the dysfunctional families, the merciless people, the soulless world.

Thin can save us, thin will save us...Being thin will save me because I would rather be dead than be fat.


I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.
I would rather be dead than fat.

I would rather be dead than fat.

Nikki

Fuck this shit.
I am a pig, a big fat fucking pig.

Stupid girl, fat girl, ugly girl, chubby girl, short girl.
No one needs to state the obvious, I know it all too well.

The burn I feel when I see my reflection, the tightness of my chest, the feeling like I'm about to implode into myself.

Fuck my friends I don't need them, I don't need anyone.
Just me and people like me...struggling to get away from their inner demons, struggling to break free from their thick layers of skin, struggling to feel worth.


Stupid girl Nikki.  You let yourself down...once again, do you even want this? Or do you want to stay fat the rest of your life.

Solitude is bliss

Like I said...Solitude is bliss.

I'm drowning in my own bad decisions and mistakes...Whoever said your teenage years are the best years of your life must have had everything they asked for.

I'm not pretty nor am i smart or thin. My family is dysfunctional and I have no gap between my thighs.

My friends are users and backstabbers, talking shit about me behind my back...why can't they say it to my face.

I have no motivation to confront them, my motivation will be directed towards losing weight.
When I'm thin I'm happy, I have been there before..I just have to get there again.

I need someone to email, to keep me on track...any takers?


Nikki xxx