I haven't really been posting, mainly because noone reads my blog anymore but I'm losing weight..not sure how much because I don't have scales but my hands are going blue, clothes are loose, cold 24/7, depressed 24/7, lonely 24/7.

Life is harder than death, which do I choose. I have moments where I wish I could just fuck it all off, eat normally, think normally but as soon as I get those moments the niggling voice comes back and tells me that I'm stupid and if I ever want to be pretty I have to be skinny and I run back to my unhealthy ways. Living by myself at the moment.

I can't even write right now..my mind just isn't working. I have so much anxiety and I need to do my uni work which isn't helping. I'm failing at everything, I need to be skinny, smart, pretty, beautiful, succesful, perfect, funny, witty but I'm just not what I need to be. I need perfection right now, I need it so badly.

I just want to curl into a ball and not wake up because the way things are it's all getting too much for me to handle.