fuck meee

I'm in bed..off my head
I had a bit of coke tonight and some happy pill shit... can't sleep, can't eat, can't drink, can't think.
Don't even know why I did it to be honest I just know I'm paying for it now its 1 am and I should be asleep but I am far from it.


[insert name here] do you really want to be obese? See what you see every day, it is fat. All fat.
Those thunder thighs and the muffin top, the fat on your arms that spreads like jelly.
What about when you sit down and your thighs touch and don't forget the cellulite

Do you remember that day on the beach and those boys called you fat and thought it was funny?
Do you remember all the times when a size 8 was too small and you had to get a size 10.
What about all the photos with you and your friends.. you were always the fat one in the group...but you still are. What are you going to do about it? Eat some more?


You can't control any aspect of your life, can you [insert name here]?
All you want is to be able to control one thing, do you really want to disappoint me?
You only have a few more kgs to go, stop being so lazy, finish something you start for once.
At least if you finish this your parents might call you a failure but at least you know you have finished it, not for anyone else but for yourself.

This one thing for yourself.

I want this for me, not for anyone else.
From today I am getting serious, I don't need scales, I don't need family, I don't need food.

I just need me and that's all stumpy chubby me.
I want to be beautiful and that's all.

Whatever it takes.

Nikki 
xoxo