Your comments mean so much to me but I wish I could say that I deserved them but I can't. Today all I did was eat, and eat, and eat. I keep telling myself that I won't and that tomorrow I will start over again and I do and I go great for a day or two and then something happens, and I eat and I loathe and I cry.
They say the camera makes you look bigger, I swear it doesn't...those pictures they look much better than I do in person. No one has anything to be jealous of, I am sure you are all alot skinnier than me.
See I haven't been diagnosed as 'anorexic' (which I am not complaining about).
Tonight I went to see the movie Easy A with my boyfriend, such a good movie!
We hadn't had dinner but anyway he got something from maccas and I withheld but still ate a load of chocolate. Now I'm lying in bed and have just eaten more chocolate.
I think I may have depression...I had never thought about it until my year coordinator asked me a couple of weeks ago if I was taking anything for my mood swings. I said no and she recommended me talking to the doctor. At the time I didn't accept it, but now, thinking about it, my mum has depression/bi-polar and they say stuff like that is often genetic.
I really hope it's not true. I used to be happy, I used to be satisfied, but now everything is different.
I am a different person, I am not good enough for anyone else or myself.
I strive to make people happy but it's never enough.
A little about myself, I am a passionate baker and cook, not as much so now due to my eating habits. But anyway point being, when I cook I cook to please.
But my family always seem to criticize, I guess even if it's not about cooking whatever I do there is always something wrong. They don't realise that every harsh comment that is said is a step closer to me losing any control I have now.
I'm sorry for my depressed mood, hopefully I can come back to the next post with a good attitude.
Thank you again for your lovely comments, you keep me together.
Nikki xoxo
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